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timiGolf releases new revolutionary depleted uranium clubs
In a packed club house in Santa Monica today, timiGolf released its revolutionary set of new golf clubs. "These clubs are set to completely revolutionise the game", Walter Schmeitzer, chairman of timiGolf, said. "With depleted uranium being twice as dense as lead, the club head sails through the line of ball enabling perfect drives, chips or putts every time you pick up the golf club. The increased flexing of shaft at the impact point also allows for drives of 600 yards or more."
The clubs come complete in a lead-lined golf bag complete with a cooling tank. The shafts are also equipped with Nasa micro-gyroscopicTM stabilising technology which was first developed on the space shuttle. This almost elimates slice and adds the perfect back spin.
Obsolete Courses
However many golfing commentators have pointed out that the longest holes at most golf courses are just over 500 yards. With the increased range and accuracy of these new clubs, the most famous courses in the world will be made obsolete. To counter this, timiGolf is building MegaGolf, a new 100,000 acre golfing paradise in the Grand Canyon National Park. "The Grand Canyon's the only place big enough for these clubs", Schmeitzer said.
Others worry about the impact of the clubs on the players' fertility and the wider environment. However Schmeitzer, sees no immediate problem. "Most of the guys who play golf are old and don't really care about their fertility. As for the environment, I mean, we've been pouring chemicals and green dye onto courses for years now so a little bit of radiation isn't gonna make a lot of difference."
timiCom to solve obsolete golf course problem
Timicom announced today that it will be building a giant "nuclear" golf courses in every one of the world's deserts to accommodate the demand for larger courses created by the new depleted duranium clubs. The global company revealed today that it had bought some of the world's most famous clubhouses including the magnificent St Andrews building. "The plan is to ship these things to the deserts. And then stand in awe of the immense purchasing power and eccentric whims of the most radical corporate visionaries of the modern age." said Walter Pretzel timiGolf CEO.
"There's nothing better then experiencing the incongruity of ancient Scottish Architecture whilst baking in the Saudi Arabian desert on a twelve hundred yard par three."
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